Two Dogs and a Puppy

Two dogs and a puppy does not equate to three dogs.

Cats are excellent at domesticating humans, whereas dogs have this ridiculous habit of obeying their every word.  Sit, stay, down, fetch, leave, heel, and all for a gushing, “Who’s a clever dog” and the occasional biscuit.

Cats know if you want attention you sit on a lap and demand it.  If you want a biscuit, meow at your bowl.  If you are given the wrong thing, ignore it and continue to meow.   If you get bored waiting, walk away.   I guarantee that next time it will be right.

Tinker and Miley are the ‘sit, stay, leave’ type of dogs. Coincidentally, they are the same age as me, seven human years.  Cats age well – dogs don’t.  Behaving as if you are a youngster is totally ridiculous when you have a grey snout.  They are harmless old girls though, we met, greeted each other, and now amicably ignore each other.

Lola is the puppy.  Rumour has it that she attends puppy school – and is top of the class.  Obviously, a school for degenerates.  She belongs to Sharon’s son, so I have no idea why she spends most of her time in our house, but she practically lives here.  The old girls let her jump all over them and, as I mentioned, attempt to act like youngsters themselves.   Lola has too much energy so old girls take it in turns to pander to her.  One hides and sleeps, one plays.  It is quite absurd that I should be considered a third member of the entertainment committee.  She has chased me, grabbed my tail, jumped on me, stolen my food and yapped until my ears hurt.  Claw enforcement hasn’t worked, in fact the only thing she respects is Sharon’s water spray bottle.

She is a summer dog. You know, some o’ this, some o’ that (get it?)  Part daschund and part fox terrier means she will always be small.  Right now she is tiny, only weighing 1.8kg, that’s less than a bag of sugar. I sometimes think she is a bag of sugar – on a permanent sugar rush.   Every hour or so she collapses into an exhausted sleep.   Unfortunately, after ten minutes she is wide awake again and searching for someone to persecute.  I have taken to sleeping on top of the side-board and closing my ears to her yapping.  Timed correctly I can reach my food bowl, grab a bite and be back during one of her naps.  Occasionally I am delayed and the little brat sneaks up behind and pounces on me.  Even giving her a sharp smack doesn’t help.  Within moments she has forgotten – I told you she isn’t too bright!

Alex thinks she’s cute.  Doesn’t he know the only cute baby is a sleeping one?  He tells me I should act like Lulu.

Who exactly is Lulu?  I plan to find out………..

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