The Problem with Peacocks

Sharon really messed up this week.  Peacocks don their brightest feathers in Spring – just to impress a female.  It shows how shallow they are – we cats always look our best and are capable of attracting females for the whole year if we actually want to.  Did I mention the two obnoxious peacocks living at Ngwenya?  They constantly intrude on my territory, steal my food, expect adoration and generally get in the way.  Luckily my staff agree, and you will often see a waiter or chef shouting “shoo, shoo “ and chasing them away.  Sharon was the same until this week.  You would think she was a female peacock she was so impressed with their plumage.  Not only admiring them but taking photos and posting on Facebook.  Well, the inevitable happened.  Pea-hens arrived in their dozens – well maybe eight of them making the racket of dozens.  Before you think I’m exaggerating about pea-hens being on Facebook, let me remind you that you are reading a blog written by a very intelligent cat.  Naturally peacocks can’t blog but, apparently, brains are not a pre-requisite for Facebook.

Pea-hens are even more stupid than their male counterparts, which is hard to believe.  The peacocks strutted about with tail feathers high in the air, while the pea-hens shuffled around looking like a bunch of dowdy old women going off to play to bingo. And the noise!  Not only did we have the racket from the pea-hens, but the peacocks started a horrendous wailing.  A customer insulted me by saying they sounded like a bunch of cats on heat!  He mustn’t expect any attention from me when he visits again.

One thing the females had in common with the males is their preference for my food.  What a damper it put on my week.  How can I visit customers when my food bowls were under attack?  And, to make matters worse, the only time Sharon shooed them away was when they went into her office.  Has she lost her mind?  We have a Barefoot cat, there is no space here for a Barefoot Peacock.

The collective nouns for peacocks are muster, ostentation or pride. What?? – none of those apply to peahens. In my opinion, only ostentation suits the males. As per Webster’s dictionary – Pretentious, showy, flashy, tasteless and kitschy.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

A muster is a formal gathering of troops. To me that suggests dignity, order and honour.  What is dignified or honourable about stealing food?   And orderly?  Hah just look at those pea-hens shuffling around.

Pride?  Surely not.  A pride of lions, yes.  Lions are majestic, beautiful cats.  It is a damn cheek to compare a peacock to any cat, let alone the King of Cats!

You can see my week was pretty catastrophic.  Fortunately, it ended well.   The pea-hens seem to have enticed the peacocks to go away with them, for which I am eternally grateful

‘Til next week

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